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Laughter from Hadassah

Passover: For those of you who don't want to sit through the full seder . . .

The Two-Minute Haggadah
A Passover service for the impatient

Opening prayers:
Thanks, God, for creating wine.  (Drink wine)
Thanks for creating produce.  (Eat parsley)
Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free.
     That's why we're doing this.

Four questions:
1.  What's up with the matzoh?
2.  What's the deal with horseradish?
3.  What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4.  What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:
1.  When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. 
          There was no time for making decent bread.
2.  Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3.  It's called symbolism.
4.  Free people get to slouch.

A funny story: Once these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning.  (Heat the soup)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:

  • Wise child:  explain Passover.
  • Simple child:  explain Passover slowly.
  • Silent child:  explain Passover loudly.
  • Wicked child:  browbeat in front of the relatives.

Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh.  Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover:  It was a long time ago. We were slaves in Egypt.  Pharaoh is a nightmare.  We cry out for help.  God brings plagues upon the Egyptians.  We escape, bake some matzoh.  God parts the Red Sea.  We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky.  We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again.  (Take brisket out of the oven.)

The 10 Plagues:  Blood, Frogs, Lice, you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu":

  • If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would have been enough. 
  • If he'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would have been enough.
  • If he'd parted the Red Sea . . . (take gefilte fish out of the refrigerator)

Eat matzoh.  Drink more wine.  Slouch.

Thanks again, God, for everything!  (Serve the meal!)



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